Poison.

Dearest knight,

" Everyday when you wake up & taste the bitter vial, only than you would know how i feel each day."

" When you plunge your face into a deep bowl of water and refuse to emerge yourself, your lungs screaming for air, your brain produces sparks of electrifying stars telling you .... you will die unless you pull out now...

.......

And then suddenly, you had enough. Pulling out from the water, taste the air like you've never tasted before. Deep gulfs of air in your lungs. You feel like you're reborn, a brand new person.

& until you know how i feel,

don't tell me how you feel, because i will not listen.

It's not all about you.

Taste the bitter vial, and then you will know.

good day, my knight and shining amour.

Vampires?

Vampire Knight

I've been following this series these days. No joke that it's my first manga I've laid eyes on. Am not a big fan of anime and manga stuffs. Since i've always been fascinated by vampires and werewolves myths and legends, I'm interested in this series. If you're interested in vampires, then this manga is nicely done! Not to say superb, but it's something like Twilight.

Twilight is released after Vampire Knight, so no doubt VK created the vampire frenzy.

The story is really good. It's whats been keeping me entertained throughout a boring week. Wanna know what's it about?

Read away!

Jason Mraz

Among my favourites. Bella Luna.

Bella Luna


Beautiful mess. I've a problem uploading the vid here.

Chilling in the dark.

My house is very very good.

by saying very good, this is the list of things happened before, during and after EARTH HOUR.

Astro went cuckoo.
Internet line slowed down because of the AWESOME monkey's behind my backyard, humping and jumping on the pole line.

Every morning in my sleep, i've being greeted by those awesome monkey's that i wished i own a good M16 or whatever shotgun i have, to blow their brains out.

As for Earth Hour, we sat in the dark. Being an idiot or not, i don't know, but i guess its a small contribution to mother earth. Me and my mom sat in the dark, chilling with our laptops lol. As for me, i wasn't alone.

No la, not ghost beside me la. In a sense that nyamuks and small insects love my lappy screen so much, all go on my screen.

Wonder how were everyone's earth hour?

ESCAPE.

Normally when people see me, what do they see? Do they see i'm always smiling? Perhaps they always hear a happy tone from my voice? When someone is with me, how do they feel? Do they feel good? Do they feel that i'm friendly with them and makes them happy? When people ask for help from me, don't i go to them as fast as i can? Don't i help people sincerely? Don't i try my best to make them feel better?

Maybe i did. Maybe not. This don't apply to everyone out there who have met me.

Right now,

i need help.

Right now,

i'm beyond depressed. i'm shattered. It is something beyond my control, beyond my grasps. It is not my power to stop what is happening. I can stop it, only if i'm intended to. I'm intended, but there is no courage.

Yesterday, after all the doubts and crushed, you walked with me. It doesn't matter where, you were determined to come although you shouldn't, but you walked with me. No question that i'm keeping personal details out of this, such as our actions. Through all that, you still wont leave.

I'm amazed. But i'm not buying it. Whats left of everything has left me as well. I'm a mere friend now, that's what if feels to me. I have no courage to specifically tell you why, where and how it went wrong. But part of it, you knew. Yet, you will never change. It's obvious and something that i have to accept and let it go. Let everything go.

Right now, i have no more feeling. i wished i knew where those feeling went, i lost it. I wished i knew how to catch it back, but i don't plan to. I wished it didn't have to be you who face pain once again as much as i do, but it happens.

Everything happens for a reason.

This reason, we both know why. You tried too hard, yet you complain to me and expect me to do something to compensate the effort you've put in. How can I ? How can i do that when i myself don't think it is worth anymore effort? The past effort that i've put in order to make you realised, and yet, you didn't. When it's too late, you try your best, tried too hard to save it. Thus....it slips off from your fingers like sand caught blown away by the wind, like water dripping to the ground although you tried to save a drop, yet....gravity stole it from you.

Everything happens, for many reasons.

I tried to love you again, i couldn't. I don't know what is love anymore. My heart is only wrecked by the pain which you have planted in it from your past deeds. My mind is shadowed by the continuous selfish and abusive actions and thoughts you have non-reluctantly showed me.

Though you're a good man. A fine man who could spare a ladies feelings, who knows how to make a person feel better when their hurt, you know how to say some right words at some right times.

You are not up to the par yet. No, i'm not expecting you to be perfect, i'm not expecting you to be so great. Sometimes, i have to tell you things that common sense is in the picture. Things a lady do not need to tell a man what to do. Sometimes, i feel that because you are guided too much by your own family, you're not so capable of thinking for yourself that much. Sometimes i felt that way, i don't have anything against your family. I'm not trying to bad mouth.

But i just can't take it anymore. You know when you do something that annoys your girl, yet you still do it again and again. You say you'll stop, but at the same time, you think it's nothing wrong, you think why should i stop when i'm so used to doing it, it triggers no harm to me?

But it triggers harm to a person's heart. It hurts the person, yet , do you bother? I don't think so.

Like today, you brought back up the topic again. I felt like a knife just stabbed me right in the middle of my heart because of what you were doing. You were asking the impossible. Seeking the insanity. You were asking things i couldn't answer you, yet, you made it like as though everything is fine, in your point of view. I could not answer, i was devastated.

I realized, I'm giving you a false hope. False hope that is so high, it is higher then KLCC. What my friend said was right, you have too high hopes for nothing. I don't know how to tell you anymore. I want it to be over, but at the same time, i am feeling guilty. I'm hurting you, but i can't stand it anymore when things are just so....false.

I need a place to run, to get rid of this nightmare. I need to ESCAPE.

Exhibition at Grand Millennium Hotel Bukit Bintang

21st March & 22nd March (Saturday and Sunday). - Health & Fitness Exhibition.

I worked part time for my friend's dad who is at the poster below. Mr. T.Selva writes for The Star every sunday. The author of Vasthu Sastra Indian Feng Shui book. Mr. T.Selva was very nice to let me have the opportunity to work for his behalf to promote his products.



This is the booth where i worked.


The friend of mine, attending to foreigners.


The left side of the hall.


the right side of the hall.


Yes, i didn't spare the toilet lol. But look at it! So grand! Plus, those 2 sinks were on this marble like table in the middle of the bathroom. and the mirror is on the left, head to toe. How unique.


Guess who? This is the Sultana of Pahang her royal majesty/highness! This is Duli Yang Maha Mulia Sultanah Hajjah Kalsom binti Abdullah.


A clearer pic of her.

She was really friendly and warm. I shooked hands with her :D .




One of the many beautiful genuine arts being displayed. I took this in secret. Damn beautiful, would be better if it's seen on the spot.


Pusat Pakar Mata Centre for Sight. B6

This is the spot where the mysterious guy was at. I doubt he will ever get to see my blog and come across through this. He past my booth twice. I kept looking at him, he kept looking at me. And the rest? Well, the rest is history.

But he looked so alike my classmate, Johan (The one with the cap sitting right in front).



The guy's eyes is nicer. Huge eyes. But his really really cute. Sigh...won't get to see him anymore. I regret didn't try to get to know him and get his contact. But i guess if fate allows me to see him again, maybe it can happen, but chances are rare. Definitely rare.

And last but not least, can you guess what r these?



It's alive. It lives in freshwater. And it's what people wish they do not encounter with. Thus, doctor's recommend it, Medical benefits from it. Can you guess what is it? This things breeds fast too. Icky i know.

Mysterious guy, how i wish i know who you are!

Traveling mood

Somehow, i miss having the adrenaline to travel around. But heck, if you ask me to turn out my pockets right now, I'm as good as blank. Somehow.... my traveling cap will rest on this chair for some time.

Rynne

Thank you for teaching me how to put Cbox lol.

The friend i met during Perodua event at One world Hotel.

Rynne - http://we-love-rynne.blogspot.com/

Dis-Organize. With a capital D and the O.

Daily clock, where has the time flew? The sun of dawn that risen and greeted my eyes which quickly hides itself under the blanket for more snooze, quickly turned into the time zone of 12pm. Changing the cheery morning sun into a killing machine with heating rays, afternoon. Evening came without warning, the sun goes back into hiding at dusk. The cloud streaks with colors and patterns that are formed by the sunlight, creating its own painting. The lights from the lamps opposite the street took over, accompanied by the moon light, best alone when the moon is fully round. The stars glitter when the sky is truly night.

This are our everyday routine whether we did or did not notice. It seems like time flies by so fast, i missed doing what i was planning to do each day, each things that i have sudden interest, stolen and distracted by our everyday compulsory or necessary chores.

What have i been doing each day? I always asked myself. My room is cluttered, worst and worst by any humans eye. As i stare at the clock, the time that is suppose to be my bed time, let it tick by. There is no rewind. 2am turns into 3am. 3am turns into 4am. What am i doing? I'm suppose to be in bed. Yet, i am still here. Awake.

Why am i doing this to myself? Dis-Organize.

I had plenty of plans for the upcoming days. Plans where i have to categorize or i won't be able to complete all strategically. Then there's problems. Who doesn't?

I told myself, the hell with it. If i thought to myself, when it is not a problem to me, therefore it is not my problem. Of course I'm just lying to myself partially. Well, better than nothing isn't it?

Sometimes it is so harsh for me to tell the truth. But if i do not tell the truth, then there will never be any improvement. Sometimes some feelings cannot be spared when it comes to the truth. Not even the feelings of a loved one. I call this truth of problem, the Joker.

Why?

That's because for the range of the years, i cannot find out how to unattached myself. That's right, now this is leading you to somewhere which you might have known. That's why i call this problem, the Joker. It's constantly playing the comedy crap out of me although i am not laughing. It has given me a joke of a relationship that i myself cannot understand. Somehow, i have not master my own capability. I am not yet my own master.

It is a long winded spill. There is no where else to spill better then a place i call rant / blog / whatever you call this spot. I am not yet the master of my own feelings. But I'm almost there.

Anger, sadness, happy, jovial, disappointment, all hidden within one smile. One smile that becomes the enemy of many many expressions. It is dangerous, for it cannot be predicted what is behind the smile. I choose to smile most of the time, but i do not choose to let my feelings be shown.

Sometimes you might wonder, what the hell am i talking about? Frankly, i myself do not know. much. But i do know everything i say, i say it base on what i think daily.

Mrazmerized.

"Don't Let your mind....stop YOU from having a good time!" - Mraz.

4th March 2009. Stadium Negara, 8pm. (Warning, blurry pictures are result of my low battery lousy camera)

That was what Mraz chimed in between his concert, which made the crowd went into a whopping cheering, applauding, screaming frenzy as Mraz sway side to side with a guitar in hand to the song "Dynamo of Volition".

courtesy of Junkonline.net cameraman

I must be dreaming. The man himself, Jason Mraz. In KL? Serious? All i could ever confirm as reality is this.

True i didn't catch him at his press conference while there are lucky people who did. But one cannot deny that his catchy tune and undeniably happy music makes him unique and the reason why so many fans went to see him Live. When do you always see someone as talented as Mraz performs in Malaysia?

It all started with me and my buddy lining up outside the stadium in the hot weather along with what....maybe 100++ fans around us?

Shoot i lost the picture of it. Moving on.

Goodie, i didn't lost this one.



Check out the crowd. This is only 1% of the other 99% of the people that turned up. Wait... this is not even 1% cos the crowd was huge!



The stage setting. I know there are Ang Moh's (white people) head protuding although i'm like taking this picture with my arms high up in the air cos the stage is quite high. Proves how tall this ang moh's are and i was thinking "how the heck am i to see Mraz with their protuding head?"



I am only 5'5 to 5'6 but standing beside the white guy... no need to say i lost to them. Wish i grew taller. I know i have weird style, but to see the man himself, i don't even bother what i was wearing.

8pm became 8.30pm - The Stage.

After so much of high pitch bleeding ear screaming, the lights dim out and the star emerged on stage. To be honest, i can't spot him if it weren't for the big screen to my right.


The man himself on the big screen with "Make it Mine".



Consider it one of the clearest shot my lousy camera can deliver, despite its low battery status.


Mraz really knows how to humor things by making the 3 guys wearing M'sian football jersey uniform. Guess its his way of respecting our country lol.


Thank you Marctensia for making the lights shone on him like so, giving the effect of a star truly seen as a "star" at the moment.


Oh, and he changed his T after he sang "I'm yours".

There are better pictures at

Shutter

Junkonline.net

Jason during the press conference in KL

Even famous in facebook.

Well, at long last, my Mraz report is completed lol. Definitely, i'm looking forward to see him coming back (if he plans to) or just watch him on tv. Mercyboku to Mraz!

Bed potato

PS - How to put cbox at the side la? I totally forgot how! help? lol

To invinsible readers and readers alike,

i know....i know i've been jetlagging Mraz concert post. It could have taken me few seconds to get my arse off this chair, few minutes to walk towards the stairs, few steps to walk up and few distance to reach out for my digital cam. But heck, i am this lazy. I am so lazy that even looking at my room gives me the feeling of nausea to clear my stuffs. Heck, 2 months of absence from my own room gave me this funny after effect to be lazy.

Bad Eli, lazy lazy lazy.

I've been a bed potato these few days, enjoying and appreciating to be able to rest on the nice cosy bed after working like crazy (to me) for my internship. I've flopped out, ocassionally stealing things from the fridge and chomping away till the wee hours of the night, and headed to bed in what i call my normal timing, which abnormally was at 3 - 4am. If i were still training, i'll be sleeping in the office the next morning for sure.

I have forgotten the most important thing which Mraz boomed out during the concert. He said "Don't let your mind...stop you from having a good time!". I won't deny i'm mrazdicted.

I went out to pyramid in what i call... a broomstick hairstyle. I've not visited my hairstylist for more then 3 months. My hair is now completely broomstick alike. Of course, people stared at me. I know i tried to make my hair as unmessy as possible, but heck, people still stare. So i vow to myself, don't go out in public with a broomstick hair anymore.

I didn't have time to visit shoes and clothes store. However, i had to buy my pet's supply, dogfood, shampoo, treats, etc. As much as i tried to budget, i came up to a painstacking rm78 bill. This dogs sure are eating up my allowance.

Went for a movie, i'm so outdated on upcoming movies that i didn't know what was the latest, believe it or not. The movie goer is finally outdated. Watched "Burn after reading", Brad Pitt's casting was funny but the movie was a whole load of cow stool. In a more precise translation. Complete bullshit.

And now...back to my bed potato. Gosh I need to get out of bed already! Hold on, i know my mraz concert post in flying in the air, but i'll catch it & put it in here soon.

*crosses fingers & creeps back to bed*

internship over!

As of 8th march, i waved my internship goodbye.

I had to do heavy modification on this post because my link is up in a place where people i worked with can read.

The feeling of leaving left me with two more specified feeling. Being happy, and being sad. I don't want to leave those friendly faces of pals that I have been adapted to for the past 2 months. So even if it's like a Grammy or Oscar awards speech, which i won't over do it, this is my list.

To the lady who is my teacher in the office,
Thank you. I know i have been saying thank you for more then once, but i just thank you. I have gather knowledge and the scope of what event is about. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to give you a chocolate before i left and i thank the boys for gobbling some of it, you guys sure love chocolates, don't you? haha.

To the senior in the office,
Though they viewed it as weird that i could mingle and mix with you so well, It's alright. You are the nicest and one of the most caring person in the office to me. You have my thanks. I appreciate everything you have done for me.

To the one who sat beside me,
What to say? Thank you of course. I didn't expect you would actually "look after" me during my first event. But things like this don't go unnoticed, i really thank you. You're a nice guy who knows your path in life. I know the ladder of success will come to you easily.

To the one who .....how should i put it?
Well...i hate having enemies. But you...man you do cross the line at times with me, it's just that i have been keeping it quiet, keeping it silent. But eyes around the office are not blind. People saw how you talk to me, how you treated me. All i can say is, the Big Guy up there is watching. Maybe you should think twice of how you treat people before something comes your way. Other than that, mercyboku for teaching me what kind of people to expect in this world.

To the Nepal guys,
Santa, the funny one, thanks for giving me the opportunity to disturb you in between your work. I know i don't talk to you much, or see you much, but heck, you always make my day, such a funny guy you are!

Sham who is not nepalian, who always call me awek jepun, who brings the place down with crazy noises, see you when i see you!

To all others,
Well, see you when i see you! You all have became my sifu, my teacher. Thank you once again!


Our goodbye is never really a goodbye. And with that said, it is true.