Daily clock, where has the time flew? The sun of dawn that risen and greeted my eyes which quickly hides itself under the blanket for more snooze, quickly turned into the time zone of 12pm. Changing the cheery morning sun into a killing machine with heating rays, afternoon. Evening came without warning, the sun goes back into hiding at dusk. The cloud streaks with colors and patterns that are formed by the sunlight, creating its own painting. The lights from the lamps opposite the street took over, accompanied by the moon light, best alone when the moon is fully round. The stars glitter when the sky is truly night.
This are our everyday routine whether we did or did not notice. It seems like time flies by so fast, i missed doing what i was planning to do each day, each things that i have sudden interest, stolen and distracted by our everyday compulsory or necessary chores.
What have i been doing each day? I always asked myself. My room is cluttered, worst and worst by any humans eye. As i stare at the clock, the time that is suppose to be my bed time, let it tick by. There is no rewind. 2am turns into 3am. 3am turns into 4am. What am i doing? I'm suppose to be in bed. Yet, i am still here. Awake.
Why am i doing this to myself? Dis-Organize.
I had plenty of plans for the upcoming days. Plans where i have to categorize or i won't be able to complete all strategically. Then there's problems. Who doesn't?
I told myself, the hell with it. If i thought to myself, when it is not a problem to me, therefore it is not my problem. Of course I'm just lying to myself partially. Well, better than nothing isn't it?
Sometimes it is so harsh for me to tell the truth. But if i do not tell the truth, then there will never be any improvement. Sometimes some feelings cannot be spared when it comes to the truth. Not even the feelings of a loved one. I call this truth of problem, the Joker.
Why?
That's because for the range of the years, i cannot find out how to unattached myself. That's right, now this is leading you to somewhere which you might have known. That's why i call this problem, the Joker. It's constantly playing the comedy crap out of me although i am not laughing. It has given me a joke of a relationship that i myself cannot understand. Somehow, i have not master my own capability. I am not yet my own master.
It is a long winded spill. There is no where else to spill better then a place i call rant / blog / whatever you call this spot. I am not yet the master of my own feelings. But I'm almost there.
Anger, sadness, happy, jovial, disappointment, all hidden within one smile. One smile that becomes the enemy of many many expressions. It is dangerous, for it cannot be predicted what is behind the smile. I choose to smile most of the time, but i do not choose to let my feelings be shown.
Sometimes you might wonder, what the hell am i talking about? Frankly, i myself do not know. much. But i do know everything i say, i say it base on what i think daily.
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